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The Zoo 4: Stomachs
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The Zoo 4 - Stomachs (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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Dental.ade
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1978-03-08
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3KB
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*!EOM
62
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C3NDENTAL APPLIANCES I HAVE HAD
1423Y00F09citylight14Y00C2NFishboy of Panda
2421Y00F07futurax24Y00C1N
0814Y00F05topaz08NNobody has ever complemented me on how neat my teeth are. Bastards! The
0801Nammount of pain and suffering I have been through to get my teeth into a more
0801Nsocially acceptable position. Now I'm going to make all those of you who've
0801Nnever had to go to an orthrondontist read all about it. This might make you
0801Nill. Good. I'm long past caring:
0801N
0801N
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C5NTHE PLATE MK 1
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6N
0801NHuge fuck plastic sheet that they stick to the top of your mouth. This clips
0801Nonto your teeth using wires. The pain only lasts for two days or so, which I
0801Nguess is okay, but try speaking normal with half a scalelectrix stuck to the
0801Nroof of your mouth. Also comes in a dinky "bottom jaw" variety.
0801N
0801N
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C5NTHE PLATE MK 2
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6N
0801NThis has an extendable front which they force you to extend once a week with
0801Nthis little key. This serves NO PURPOSE except that every time you tighten it
0801Nyou feel IMMENSE PAIN.
0801N
0801N
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C5NTHE PLATE MK 3
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6N
0801NThis is the most sick torture device I have ever seen. Get this:
0801NThe whole thing has a gap running down the middle. By turning a key in this
0801Nlittle thing this gap WIDENS forcing the sides of your jaw apart.
0801N
0811Y00C6Y00C5N
1614Y00F05roman16NELASTIC BANDS
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6N
0801NNot content with filling your mouth with old left over Aliens props they then
0801Nstretch elastic bands from your top jaw to your bottom by lil hooks on your
0801Nplate. Every time you open your mouth the tension in the bands PULLS on
0801Nindividual teeth causing MORE PAIN.
0801N
0801N
1619Y00F05roman16Y00C5NTHE BLOCKS
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6NLike the plates but with huge placcy blocks that make it impossible to close
0801Nyour mouth. Food spittle and general waste product will then pool in the
0801Nbottom of your mouth and you will aciddently spit it out over people you
0801Nadmire / respect / love.
0806Y00C5N
1614Y00F05roman16NTHE TRAIN TRACKS
0819Y00F05topaz08Y00C6N
0801NEveryone says when you have train tracks: "God! It must be horrible having
0801Nall that metal in your mouth!". No. Nothing is horrible once you've had the
0801Nthings fitted. First they put these metal caps on your rear molars using, and
0801Nthis is no shit, A HAMMER AND A CHISEL. Jesus! you would not belive how much
0801Nthis hurts. Then they actually GLUE the brackets onto your teeth. "Don't
0801Nclose your mouth now!" they say, and then they go and make the tea while you
0801Nsat in a surgery being stared at by complete strangers with your mouth wide
0801Nopen as huge lip tearing metal shards slowly cement themselves to your teeth!
0801NThen they stick these wires on so the whole thing hurts even more.
0801N
0825Y00F11microknight08Y00C1N[Sorry I didn't have the full version of this article, Fishboy. We decided
0801Nto run it anyway, but if you want to send me the finished version I'll be
0811Y42C2Y46C1Nhonoured to stick it in the next issue. - Jude]
*!EOF